Londonvillamay's Blog
OVER IT
You guys can vote for me or not, I could really care less; I'm so over it. This whole popularity contest to become Paris' friend seriously wtf was I thinking. As if her life would be bettered by some poor unfortunate soul buying for some of her attention. Like she isn't already over processed. I'm mean c'mon you guys are just fueling the fire by giving this attention camera whore what she wants. People to fight for her. I can't help but doubt if she even knows what it means to be a best friend. I officially renounce my candidacy to be a brainless bestie for a sociopathic social destruction.
you know you love me for saying what everyone else has to be thinking, or maybe not. I could care less what you think.
blah blah EMO-ness blah
"Life is full of tough choices---"
Ursula the Sea Witch, Disney's The Little Mermaid
I’m so beyond myself trying not to succumb to formulating messages of hate in response to people trying to tell me who the fuck [pardon my french] I am. To people judging me, telling me that I’m going to hell; that I should die a painful death; raped and left to die. Like my life isn’t hard enough as it is without complete strangers calling me an ugly ass worthless abomination to the world. Just because they tried messaging me thinking I’m some skank to add to a friends list and got a truthful response. Or randomly saw my profile pic and thought I was hot and worth checking out, but didn’t like, couldn’t stomach, or pre-judge based on their biased view of a community they’ve been dictated was "wrong." I as well as others like me become the targets. I pity ignorance and hate. If you’re reading this and have no clue as to what I’m talking about... you obviously don’t know me or haven’t/didn’t read my previous blog, and will possibly either praise or cruicify me afterwards. Well the spark notes version I’m pre-op transgendered male to female been so for quite some time and will be till medical and $ dictates otherwise. If this is news to you and you thought you knew me; well now you do. I’m prepped for whatever you have to say or actions you make take, but know that this is me and no one else. If this comes as a shock, well I can’t do anything but be myself I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not. I’m not apologizing, I’m doing not wrong. This is my one life and I’m going to try to live it happily my way.
It's so funny (really by funny I mean disturbingly hurtful more often than not) when guys talk about me about less than 5 feet away and assume that I can't hear them. I know that I'm an adult and should totally stand up for myself. I've practised, I've trained myself for these type of situations, but when it happens I seem to revert back to my days in middle school when things easily hurt me. I question how the world around me thinks that I can do all these things, stand up for myself, for what I believe in, but as much as I want to believe that I can, I'm human, I'm vunerable to the piercing words they say, although I may not appear to be hurt behind the two finger Barbie® smiles believe it or not I actually cry. I can be surrounded by people and feel completely alone I'm sorry sometimes even my "friends" can't change that sad truth.
In this world we think that the only things out there are what we see with our own two eyes, but there are a plethora of beautiful problems that we have yet to see. I understand that my problems are nothing compared to what circles around me, however I can only just barely deal with my complexcities before I tackle the world.
I've as of late finding the courage to be who I want to be and although I may hurt others in the process... if not now then when, if not me then who? I don't want to hurt anyone, but if I'm not true to who I am I hurt myself--- and I've done that for far too long.
Courage is an interesting thing, with it you face so many things, but you have to realize that there's going to be backlash with it. i.e. Dec I told him how I felt--- I thought that I'd get over it, that it was just one of those things that in the open would go away--- if only--- only things got weird and more complicated, more painful. If this person knew what I'm feeling on the inside maybe he'd handle things differently and understand how the way he treats me is beyond fucked when all I've done is been who I am and maybe someday he'll realize that. Right now my heart feels all shades of fucked up, but you can't get into the crevices of my heart where my blood painfully pumps with hopes of forgiveness. [EMO, I know sorry...]
Things right now feel like such a trip and a half that unfortunately I've reverted thinking its DUNZO, but I know that I have more to do, more to say--- I wanna save the world one person at a time with my love/compassion whatever--- so that the world will know that they will be Loved.
Everyday is this wonderful gift, then out of nowhere I tend to feel suffocated in these feelings of lonliness, emptiness--- whatever and I don't know how to breathe or who to turn to. So often I just want someone/anyone to hold me and find that ONE guy to prove that they're not all the same. ... is that really so much to ask? I guess it is....
I smile through the tears and I bleed myself dry because I can't feel my tears after all these years.
London V.
She was right-
"Life is full of tough choices---"
Ursula the Sea Witch, Disney's The Little Mermaid
One Winged Angel
One Winged Angel
Life interpreted by London Villamayor
When we are born, we are all angels; with similar gifts of inspiration, love, compassion, courage, strength... The only difference from our heavenly counterparts is that we are born with only one wing.
In life we meet, befriend, and love other one winged angels. However in many cases our wings are unable to support one another; some too big, others too small. Unable to soar the heavens together we fall victim to sadness and tend to give up. However if finding our wings were easy, we wouldn't appreciate the flight.
While it takes a lifetime to find our wings, when we do we soar the heavens together for an eternity.
So for the meantime, I walk alone [as many others may do] with the weight of my wing grounding me to Earth, waiting.
Waiting for I know that one day I will soar.
One Winged Angel~
London Villamayor
ROUND BY ROUND SPECS
Do you consider yourself fabulous? How so?
If I weren't fabulous I'd fall into freak-dom. I live life fearlessly. As a trans I own who I am and fight for what I believe in. It is a vital key in owning ones fabulosity [as Kimora would say]. Hate me or love me unlike you I won't judge you.
What qualities make you the perfect celebrity BFF?
Qualities that make me a BFF should be the question. Regardless of whether my pals are celebs or not, a BFF is someone who is supportive and loyal whatever the sitch, someone who's brutally honest, someone who can see past the physical facade, smoke, mirrors, bright lights, and see a person for who they are.
What similarities do you share with Paris? How are you different?
Stunning similarities are that we're size 11 stiletto Glamazons whose persona's are brighter in the flashbulbs of Photogs and Runways. As far as differences, other than being trustfund challenged the whole having a penis comes to mind [for now]. LOL
It's hard to stay in the public eye. How would you maintain the limelight? I for one love challenging peoples views of me. I love re-inventing myself. Evolution is the greatest part of life. Keep people guessing.
DARE TO BE DIFFERENT, be Loved, be Fierce, be London XOXO
More MAN than you'll ever be, more WOMAN than you'll ever get.
So here's the drama straight from the tranny's mouth. My life thus far has been an extremely difficult journey from who I was to who I am today, to who I am to become--- and refuse to go back. I am fully aware that my life won't be easy, but if it were easy it wouldn't be worth living. Considering I only have one life, I've decided to try to live ever after happily. Take it or go away.
I identify as a Pre-operative Male to Female Transgender. I am a person with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex [male], but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex [female]. I strive to be considered by society as a member of the opposite sex[female]. I appear as, wish to be considered as, and having yet undergone surgery to become a female.
For the ignorant individuals of the world, im a SHEMALE/ CHICK WITH A DICK, call it whatever appeals to your uncultured vernacular it is who I am. I'd rather be HATED for who I am than loved for who I'm Not! In other words, I was born a male with every intention of my outward appearance one day matching who I believe I was meant to be.
Some individuals ask what that means. Why risk being a FREAK, why can't I just be a gay man. It really isn't that easy. When you look in the mirror sure there are things you don't like about yourself; i.e [fat, short, tall, skinny, blonde, whatever] But when you look in a mirror never truly knowing the person starring back at you; it's a completely different situation. A severe case of body dismorphia in a sense. I grew up like that. I felt like this isn't who I was meant to be. I constantly question what happened in my genetic make-up. I felt and feel like a stranger in my own body. So I'm doing whatever it takes to get to the point where I can feel free in my own skin.
You don't have to like me, but as long as I'm around decency would dictate for you to respect me. Ask all the questions you'd like and I'll answer as truthfully as I can. I am NOT a Drag Queen [their beauty and confidence surpasses that of my own]. I am NOT a WHORE! I'm NOT for sale! I respect myself; just because I am who I am does not mean I will sleep with anyone I meet. I am a proud V-card holder and will continue to be. Yes, believe it I am a VIRGIN. I anticipate living a thriving cultured life. Unfortunately as it is, most LGBT people have been stereotyped as only sexual beings, although some may be, and that's fine, however I am not that type of person. I have emotions running deeper than the physical. You respect me and I'll do the same.
I'd like to think that I'm doing my job to revolutionize the way people think about what they see with their own two eyes. LGBT Activism is among my highest priorities because I've experienced first hand the descrimination that is associated with the lack of rights and respect because unfortunately people judge and ASSume without even attempting to know you as a person.
Minorities in the Media is also very dear to my heart. As Asian Americans we are grossly under-represented as well as deprived of basic human rights. The fact that many 1st and 2nd generation Asian Americans are so often torn from being traditional Asians or accepting the majority is a reality that is difficult to accept.
If you've gotten this far, I thank you with every beat of my heart. You are truly worth being a friend, and understand that there is more to life than what we see with our own two eyes.
be Loved, be blessed, be fierce, be London XOXO
THE BFF QUESTIONS
Why do you want to be famous:
I’ve been acting, singing, and just performing in general since I was a kid. Started as a hobby then became a passion. I live on a field that many have never seen, and most will never dare to dream. Fighting adversity by being a male to female pre-operative transgender, life has been, and will continue to be difficult for me. However I condition myself to never give up even when others give up on me. If I were famous, I KNOW I would be under scruitny, BUT I DON'T CARE. I'd be someone new, someone different showing the the world a multi-faceted appreciation and maturity for a world that is often overlooked or hidden. I really feel that my fame will show the world that a 'different' person is not someone to be hate or afraid of.
Paris is inside, the door man won't let you in, pleed your case:
[Smiling] Excuse me, do you not know who I am? I suggest you re-evaluate this crucial lapse of judgement; I could make or break you in this city. [Raising an eyebrow]
Finish the sentence: FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS
"Sleep with unfortunate looking people." lol don't judge me.
Paris & London
Paris & London/ London & Paris hello isn't it obvious... we should be BFF's. If you want to know more about the specimen that is London visit my MySpace pages.
Personal: www.myspace.com/londonjei
Public: www.myspace.com/londonvillamayor
Ciaozers
London
